Surrendering in the Mess

Hello, lovelies. It has been too long and I apologize for that. I’m been meaning to post something. I even recorded a video for you. The video was never finished, which is why it never got posted. Sorry about that.

One thing you can expect is more posts. I have set a goal of creating something every day. I’ve been doing it for a couple of weeks and feel like I’m getting more into the groove of it. Another goal is reading the Bible every day. I’ve trying to use my time productively.

Speaking of time, this is a difficult time for many people. As you know, many people are not working or their jobs are altered. Sickness, anxiety, and depression are running rampant. I have been lucky in that I found a job right before all the stay at home orders were given and I’m able to work from home.

That’s not say that it’s been easy for me. I’m struggling. I have experienced anxiety. My whole body has been tired. I’ve been lonely, yet at the same time tired of people. At times I wish I was still unemployed, but then I remember how much of a blessing it is to be able to work and help others, especially during this time of need.

One thing that has been helping me through this is worshiping. A couple of weeks ago I was in my kitchen having just finished making lunch. I had 30 minutes before my zoom meeting started. I ate about half my lunch at the counter, then felt overwhelmed. The only thing I could do was fall to my knees and sing praise to God.

I’m pretty sure that I was singing the song “I Surrender” by Hillsong. A song was on my heart and I had to let it out. After singing the song a couple times I felt a weight lifted off of me. I felt as though I could breathe again. I was able to get through the rest of the day.

It wasn’t singing a song that gave me strength. I can sing worship songs all day and not truly think about the words. This was not one of those instances. This was me praying the words of the song. Every word that lifted from my mouth was drenched in a desire for God.

Trying to hold everything together on my own is exhausting. It’s not something I can do long term, but I’m human. I’ve been told that I should do things by my own might. Don’t be weak and depend on another. Those are messages of the world. Those are messages that don’t help me find peace.

Peace is found in Jesus. He is my strength. He is strong enough to carry the weight that I’ve been carrying. The only thing I could do was surrender, and when I feel myself picking it back up I surrender again.

We don’t know how long things will be as they are right now. We don’t know how things will look when we can fully engage in some daily activities. Things are uncertain. Things are unclear. It’s easy to worry or complain about everything, but that doesn’t help. I could start quoting Philippians 4:6, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God,” but would it help to just quote scripture?

Probably not for most people. I’m not going to lie, I start feeling frustrated and like a failure when people quote that scripture to me. I know the scripture and I pray, but my anxiety doesn’t always disappear right away. I’m human.

But this moment, on my kneeling on my kitchen floor, face down, arms stretched out, my entire being was focused on God. Nothing else mattered until I remembered about that meeting. And that’s something I need more of, something I want more of in my life.

Taking a moment to fully be with God. Truly surrendering and letting go of things we don’t need to hold onto. Finding that moment where nothing else matters.

I’m not good at finding that moment. I get distracted and frequently have other things on my mind. But that is one of my prayers. That we all find more of God, more of Jesus. That we don’t get distracted by the things of the world, but instead find ourselves drawing closer to God and truly surrendering all to Him.

That’s all for today. My fingers have rambled enough for the moment. I’m trying to bring more structure to my life and be a better planner. Hopefully this will be beneficial to you who read this blog and to other aspects of my life. It may even mean a return to planned out posts. I mean, anything can happen.

I’m praying for you and your family. Stay safe and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye lovelies.

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