It’s Monday. I hope you are having a wonderful day. Over the weekend I had an urge to clarify something. All this really helps remind me that we can get different messages from the same thing. So, I am going to clarify mine. I’m the type of person who needs time to truly form an opinion or thought on something personal. I wasn’t even thinking about this particular thing when my thoughts came to me. But sometimes the best way to get it out of your mind is to write it out. Now, a few days after writing the rest of this post I’m no longer bothered or distracted by any of the stuff. So, yeah…let’s get to it.
Something my brother said a few days ago is playing in my head. You know how sometimes you don’t think much of a comment at the time but then it just comes back to you and you realize something about it isn’t right.
Well a week ago I posted a video and I sang in it. My brother called me being all big brother like and one of the things he said is that I looked happy when I sang. Days later, that doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like by saying that, something significant was missed.
I love to sing, but I can’t really say I was happy when I sang. I also feel like the singing was just a vehicle for something bigger. The words I said, though limited, were the important part. I’d have to go back and watch it, but I feel like I mentioned peace and like I was being obedient to God during this time of transition. I believe I also stated something along the lines of this feeling right and being not afraid of it.
It could have sounded like I was talking about the singing. I don’t know. I don’t want to go back and watch it. Not because it’s bad, but I’m writing this at 10pm on Saturday night since that’s the time this thought decided to pop into my head. Back to the topic – it was speaking on camera that felt right. Speaking truth is what felt right.
I wanted to say something and didn’t feel like writing. If I just felt like singing, I wouldn’t have posted it on this blog. I have two other blogs that I have neglected. I would have posted it there. What I wanted to say was that sometimes there are opportunities before you and it would be so easy to just take one. Sometimes you should take that first opportunity. Other times you can hear God saying that there is something better if you trust Him. If you wait a little longer in this hardship, He will provide and give you something else.
I felt God telling me that. I’ve had a few job opportunities and could have accepted any of them. I know that at any of those jobs I could do God’s Will. I could serve others and show them God’s love. He can use me wherever I go. He will use me wherever I go. I just felt God telling me to trust Him. It’s possible that it’s just me trying to justify my reasoning for not taking them. But again, I felt at peace saying no.
I have many people concerned about my job situation, or lack thereof, but I think they have forgotten two very important things. The first being that I have been at peace with this entire situation since I turned in my resignation. If they don’t know this, they either forgot or they have so busy giving me their two cents that I never got to tell them. The second thing is that this is my life, not their own.
I like to play it safe. If I think it is a risk, I will probably not do it. If the company I worked for had renewed the jail contract I would have stayed there until I had another job that I liked. Moving to another state, I didn’t see it as a risk. It was just something I was supposed to do. Quitting my job, it didn’t feel like a risk, but I’m mature enough to understand that it is. If I didn’t see evidence of how God had prepared me for this, I wouldn’t believe it. Maybe I’ll tell y’all everything another day. Maybe not.
My next counseling job isn’t going to be my dream job. I’m not idealistic. I am very firm in my realist views. For most people, dream jobs don’t just fall into our laps. I can’t think of anyone I know who likes everything about their job. It’s possible that my next job will something that fills me with anxiety half the time. The company may make me want to shake my head more often than not. I don’t know. All I know is that this time I was given was needed and I have a God who provides.
Let’s go back to the point of this post. My video wasn’t about a song. My video was about feeling at peace, which is why I sang, and trusting God. And yes, I know it’s possible that God is saying to me that He’s opened these doors for me, why haven’t I taken one. It’s possible, but I don’t feel that. And honestly, if no other opportunities in the world of counseling opened to me for the next five years, I don’t think I’d be upset.
I know that I’m meant to do more than just direct counseling. My next job will probably be solely doing direct care regardless of where I feel led. I’m just trying to find something I care about. Not the job I didn’t even apply to or the one that I only applied to in order to appease someone else. Shouldn’t I at least not dread going to work? Shouldn’t I be able to maintain peace even if it’s not where I want to be? I think so. Either way, I guess I should use more words to explain my points.