Loneliness in Community

Hello beautiful people. Welcome to another Loving Mondays. Today I just want to address the importance of community. I feel like this post is talking about the lack of love someone I know felt but it’s important to understand these things. Sometimes we don’t even realize how our actions can make someone feel unloved and unwanted. It’s sad to think about but I will try to end the post with a hint of positivity. You should feel lucky. I try to save most of my positivity for you. I only have a limited supply, though a paycheck does tend to help replenish it.

Recently I was talking to a friend from church and how I haven’t seen her and her family in a while. With that, the conversation drifted to loneliness. Not the whole feeling lonely and being alone thing, though that was a part of it, but her experience of feeling lonely when you’re in the mist of a group you should belong to. Feeling lonely in a crowd is a common thing. Honestly, we are so disconnected in this age of technology, it’s worse when you look around and realize that the crowd is supposed to be your friends.

I don’t think any of the people in our shared community group read this and I’m in no way bashing anyone with this post. This is her truth and I’ve seen evidence of it and questioned it myself. I don’t think any of the ‘mommy gang’, which I have now dubbed the community she was referring to, did or did not do anything with malicious intent. I felt I should put this disclaimer at the top. I consider all parties involved friends. As with friends, some are stronger or closer than others and this is an example of that. It makes me think about how we don’t always realize how our actions impact the people around us.

I’ve been in the same community group at my church for a few years now. I’ve known all the people involved in this for at least two years and they (all the married couples) decided to have children this year. For most it’s their first child. Most of the moms have bonded over this since they are stay at home moms now. My friend is finishing school, she’s supposed to graduate on Saturday, and her husband is staying home with the kiddo. She did stay home with the kiddo for a bit after his birth, but it sounds like she didn’t hear much from the mom’s outside of church both then and now.

First, let me say that being a mom is a tough and tiring job. I am not a mom; I only play one on tv. I would love to be a mom, but I’m single with no plans to adopt in the near future. But back to the topic at hand, being a mom is hard work. Being a new mom requires adapting ad adjusting. While I’m saying moms the same can be said regarding dads, but I’m mostly talking about moms here, so I figured that I’d use appropriate language to show that.

I’m not going to go into all the details of this. It’s not really my story to tell. It’s just that she, with her having a baby shortly after all the others, she thought it would be a thing to bond over. It’s something that the others have bonded over. But instead her and her husband hear about the things the mommy gang did together. Additionally, the few times that they have texted, it’s felt like when she expresses feelings of loneliness they get pushed to the side.

It could be that she’s working, or that the couple in question is younger than the rest, or people simply not thinking about it. I think it’s mostly the last one, I’ve seen evidence to support that. That’s the thing, not thinking about it can push someone away. This couple feels that lack of connection and now they’re not sure if they want to stay at the church or find somewhere else. That’s sad. I really love this couple and I’m supposed to meet up with her soon for coffee, but I understand.

I don’t know anyone who doesn’t want to feel like they belong. Even people who tend to deny it or downplay the importance of community want somewhere or someone they can go to for that support. It doesn’t have to be a big support group, sometimes it may just be a person or two. It’s so easy to get comfortable in the groups we’ve formed and not want to let others in. I think this is a case of that. The months between the others having their children and this other friend may have been what led to them not being as close.

Regardless, we should make sure that we reach out to those in need. Be willing to welcome people into our community. I want to let you know that you are a part of this community I want to create with this blog. You are welcome here and don’t ever forget that. We need people; it’s not good for us to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Find a loving community. And while you have one here, I hope you find an offline community too. I’ll talk to you soon, lovely people.

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