Struggles and Healing – Or why I skipped out on writing

Hello, lovelies. Sorry for not posting over the last few weeks. There was a lack of internet at my place and for some reason, I didn’t even consider going to the library. Then a combination of mild anxiety and depression and laziness stopped me. It makes no sense.

I didn’t feel like opening my computer, I just couldn’t get on it. That’s not the part that makes no sense, though. What makes no sense is the fact that I use my tablet to type up these posts almost as much, if not more, than my laptop. I was on my tablet almost every day, but in my mind I had to use my laptop.

But today I am back. No mental/spiritual/emotional blocks (or attacks) going on at the moment. I really want to write about Christianity and what it is. Not so much the basics and beliefs, but the views on whether it is a religion or a relationship. I’ve been wanting to write this post since before I went MIA. And I am going to write this either today or tomorrow (Thank You God for giving me Labor Day off), but as I’m writing this post, I’m realizing that today meant for something else.

I try to be open and honest, which is what I’m doing with this post. It would be easy to ignore the fact that I disappeared shortly after telling you how often I plan to write. It would be easy to pretend that my life is rainbows and butterflies. But that’s not authentic.

I guess today is about me sharing my struggles. I can tell you right now that having a community of fellow believers has helped me immensely. Too often I have felt this void, this emptiness inside me. At times like this, knowing that my fellow believers care or that my family loves me isn’t always enough. To me, those things are a given, or they might feel insignificant.

But for some reason, knowing that God loves me is a game changer. When I think about it, it makes no logical sense to me. (Maybe if I really think about it, it might make some sense to me, but we’ve established that I have a bit of a lazy streak.) Knowing that God loves someone as imperfect as me, makes me feel less empty inside. Sometimes I wish God would just stamp the word “loved” on me. Since He hasn’t, I write it on my wrist when I’m struggling. Sometimes I write it even when I’m not struggling.

In Mark 2:17 (NIV), Jesus says, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Jesus is a healer like none other and I need his healing. I struggle and stumble way too often for my liking, but I get back up with God’s help.

So, not sure if my ramblings flow or not. Or if they make sense or not. But that’s okay with me. As I was typing that last paragraph, I song popped into my head so I will leave you with that and one last thought.

I frequently pray for the Church to be a house of healing. A place where people go because they are hurting, not a place where people go to be hurt. Over the last few weeks, more and more stories have come out about abuse in the Church. It doesn’t matter if someone is Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, or anything else, I believe that places of worship should not be places where people are abused, violated, or turned away. This needs to stop now.

I will continue to pray for the Church to be a house or healing. I will continue to pray for those abused (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc.) by the Church to find healing. I will continue to pray for those who were the abusers to find healing as well because today I am choosing to pray for their salvation instead of for retribution. (Don’t ask me about tomorrow. My prayer for them might be different.) I will continue to pray, and I will choose to be a part of the solution.

As always, no proofreading of this post occurred before posting. And I hope all you lovelies have a wonderful week.

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