I was trying to think about what to write. I was unsure of a topic, but conveniently we were talking about marriage at church. So, I’ve decided to write a post based on the points that my pastor, Matt Wolf, brought up. I’m not going to go into the Bible verses, just the main topics. But if you want to listen to the sermon, you should be able to find it online in a couple of days. You can find it on youtube. Look up Stapleton Fellowship Church (SFC), The sermon title is Get Wise – Part 6: Getting Marriage Right.
I’m going to give my own thoughts, but I will be using his points. He spoke from a biblical view, but I don’t plan to focus so much on that for this post. When I post from a more biblical view I want it to be more of my own thoughts than anything else.
There were five points mentioned:
- Be choosy, not picky. This applies to before you get married. Whoever you marry is not going to be perfect. You have to decide what matters to you in a partner. Sometimes out of fear we find the littlest things wrong with someone in an effort to push them away. But you need to decide what is and isn’t a deal breaker for you. Don’t settle, but also don’t set your standards to an unrealistic bar.
- Build your home together. In marriage, you are a team. You’re building a life together. If you don’t recognize that it’s a partnership, then your marriage is in trouble. You need to be able to work together. This means swallowing your pride. It means thinking of the other person. Your home is more than a house. It’s where your family is.
- Make your communication positive. Communication. It’s one of the major building blocks of any healthy relationship. Speaking, listening, using body language…they are all part of communication. Positive communication doesn’t mean you have to say things that are happy all the time. What it means is don’t say hurtful things. If your spouse does something wrong you can correct them, but do it from a place of love. Don’t try to make the other person feel bad. Don’t call them names.
- Keep to the path of covenant faithfulness. Marriage is a covenant, a promise. It’s made to the other person, as well as God. You are expected to honor your vows. If you don’t think you can do that, you should really ask yourself if you should be getting married. People make mistakes and do things they shouldn’t. We’re only human. The question is, are your vows important to you or do you just think of marriage as a piece of paper?
- Find satisfaction in your spouse. Your spouse is your partner for life. You should be able to delight in them on multiple levels: physically, emotionally, mentally, etc. That satisfaction, that delight, should last well past the honeymoon. You should still delight in them as you grow together. When their looks fade or their health starts to fail, you should still be able to find things you love about them. You picked this person for things other than looks. (At least you should have.) Regardless of how long you’ve been together, you should want to tell others about how wonderful your partner is.
The Big Idea: Cherish your marriage.
Marriage is a choice. Not everyone is going to get married. But if you decide to take that step, be prepared. Use discernment to pick your partner. Work together as a team. Remember the things you like about them. Keep your vows in mind.
I understand that sometimes people change beyond what you thought they would. Sometimes people hide a side of them that is more than you can deal with. I’m not going to say that you have to stick with your vows no matter what happens. If someone who’s being abused came to me I wouldn’t say, “Well, the Bible frowns upon divorce, so you’re stuck together. It was in the vows.” That would be stupid. What I will say is too often people give up at the smallest sign of disagreement. You will have ups and downs in your marriage, as with all things in life. You have to decide if it’s worth the fight.
Don’t be afraid to fight for the people you love, to protect your home. I’ve never been married. I can’t speak from first-hand experience. All I can do is speak from the heart. I can say what I believe to be true.
Make sure to check out the video of my pastor speaking on this if you want to hear scripture or the views of someone who is married. I tried not to write exactly what he said during the sermon. I think I succeeded. I mean, I don’t remember everything he said and my notes only consist of those points and verses.
That’s all of today, lovelies. I hope you have a wonderful week. Make sure to tell someone you love or care about them.